At this point in time, I have never felt so alone and different from a crowd of familiars.  I've graduated and now I'm trying to find myself and it's hard to do so underneath everything. I need time to just breathe and I can't do that this summer with all these people around. I wish I could go to a temple right now and just pray everyday because maybe, I'll find something that can help me sleep at night. Some peace. I feel a judging eye at every corner with those who I thought were close.

I've found that I have lost anyone I can closely talk to and all I can do is keep it closed in like I used to until I feel nothing and everything at the same time.

With that being said, I shall update, I guess.

So my life has been hectic... money wise. I just want to cry everytime I think about it. My dad was in a car accident. The words still seem surreal to me and I have still not dealt with it. I just have this rage toward the idiot who rammed into his fucking car. I'd show you the car, but instead, I'll help you picture it.  Imagine a heap of metal. That's basically it. So yeah, I'm just angry at all idiots atm.

And great, I have no health insurance. Wonderful. And I just paid $500 on reserving my dorm alone. They're asking for $265 more for ORIENTATION. And all these other people don't have to pay full price, yet I'm here with parents who barely even work now and asking them to somehow find money out of their ass. Great. It hurts almost as much as when I asked my parents how much money they had for me for college and my mom goes "None". If you keep fucking telling me to go to college, how the hell did you afford to pay for it? Idiots.

And I'm just done with this. I'll get as fucking bitchy and mad all I fucking want. Don't tell me otherwise. Just go fuck it.

I don't know anymore... I understand it'll get better, but I'm just wondering why now? But then again, it's never been my day, month, year, life. I'm the antoganist in whole scheme of things and that's how it's always gotta be to have a good story for the protragonists huh? Something to go against and defeat. Well, congrats on doing so.

I've realized I'm stupid and just a terrible person. Well not just now realized, but I've been.

And I hate how you've come back and changed. You don't think you have and you probably haven't. Maybe it's me. But whatever it is, I'm done with childish games yet you're still playing them. "take a joke" you'll say or "i'm just kidding" you'll claim. Well, I'm done with childish games. I've been trying to be grown in my mind and that's where I am. So stop trying to be conceited and claim bullshiet. That's for little children who try to claim eveything that they're not and that's what you're doing. I don't know how to feel at this moment. Just an all-time low.

And as for you, I don't know why I even bother anymore. I really don't. I'm done, I've been done. You're not upfront with me and you act like I know that those actions affect you in such a way. You suppress it and confront us months later when those matters don't matter to us but to you, you feel as if they are the world. If they are the world, don't bring us down with you and deal with it on contact.

Done.